CRACK FIC!
by Poolday
Summary: What happens when two girls bring randomness and chaos in to the Akatsuki's world? Crackfic!
1. Bacon, movies, and exploding paper

Hehe, this is a Fanfiction dedicated to- I Know You Know Who I am X3 Teehee -She is totally awsome. And, she got to star in a crackfic with the Akatsuki after she RATHER SCARILY *cough*andfourcefully*cough* made me write it. Hope you enjoy peoplez!!

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Pein stared at Naruto as he stared right back. Hate sparked in between them like Sasuke's chadori. Naruto raised his hand, ready to blast the Akatsuki leader with his chakra. As Pein made hand signs to perform his last jetsu that would knock the blond unconscious, suddenly…

"WAIT. HOLD THE BATTLE. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT I RAN OUT OF POPCORN! AND SOME BACON." Pein and Naruto looked around trying to find the source of the voice that shouted out. There stood a girl with blond hair, about 14 years out waving her hands franticly. At her right side was a brunet the same age, shaking her head, then hitting the blonde girl's forehead with her palm.

"Shut up you BAKA! Their fighting suspensefully! AND YOU JUST RIUNED IT! Now what's the author going to think of you!?" The brunet shouted.

"I'm sorry Kiki, I just want some more popcorn! And maybe some bacon…" The blonde said looking dreamily out in the distance, probably thinking about 'bacon'.

"Oi Sarah, go get your popcorn. And don't stare at the popcorn vender either. You already ransacked 5 food stands." Kiki replied.

"Not MY fault I don't get fat! Ya' fatty…" Sarah replied muttering the last comment.

"What. Did you call me?!" Kiki shouted, towering over the blonde girl.

"N-nothing! Just that I'm.. uh, not fat!?" Sarah stuttered back.

"That's what I thought. Now shoo, ya' baka. And get me some more soda while your at it."

"Hai!"

As Sarah ran away; Naruto and Pein glanced at the brunet, one as confused as the other. She blinked and giggled slightly.

"Oh Pein- kuuuun! How's my little honey bun? I'm sure you still have that small blood bib I got you at Christmas!" She shouted, waving her hand. Naruto couldn't help it. He burst out laughing falling to the ground. The girl quickly ran over, then seeing the look on Pein's red face, followed suit.

"KIKI, I GOT THE SODA. And I found someone! I dressed her in a pretty outfit too!" Sarah called running over to the trio. Following was a girl wrapped in a pink frilly dress, bows in her hair. The girl's eyes were a nice sparkling light blue. And on her hands were… mouths.

"HOLY CRAP, DEIDARA?!" Pein shouted.

"Don't talk to me, hm."

"HOLY, OH MY KAMI, YOU LOOK… LOOK…" Pein tried to find a word to describe him.

"You say fucking pretty, hm, and Ill rip your precious eyes out." Deidara growled.

"I think you look wonderful Dei- Dei- kun!" Sarah shouted playfully. Deidara's eyes softened as he looked at the girl.

"What ever, hm." He replied, shaking off the strange feelings he was pretty sure an Akatsuki does not get.

Kiki smirked as she saw the blonde Konaha dobe slip off as a pissed Sakura came. She decided not to tell. At least, not now.

Kiki walked over to Sarah and whispered something in her ear that neither Deidara nor Pein could hear.

"Ok, I am fucking BACK biotches!" Shouted a voice. Deidara and Pein turned to see Kakuzu and Hidan walking towards them. Hidan eyes brightened as he saw the brunet, but he quickly composed his features. Kakuzu on the other hand saw the quick excitement in his eyes.

"Ok Sarah, I give you permission to do so." Kiki said giggling softly. Kakuzu was suddenly knocked off of his feet and hit the ground.

"Gee! Thanks Kakuzu for the cushioned fall!" Sarah quipped and got up aiming for Hidan now.

"Oh no, oh no, no, no, no! Don't you dare fucking aim for me!" To late Hidan.

"…Itachi, I say we back away slowly. Please." Said a musky voice. Everyone turned to see the fish man and his pet weasel turn around the corner. Sarah's eyes glinted. After slowly taking out two pieces of paper, she stuck them on both Kakuzu and his dazed and very pissed partner, she ran towards Kisame.

"FISH- MAN!! I'M SO GLAD TO SEE YOU! And you weasel… not so much. Teehee!" She shouted after sticking another piece of paper on Kisame, and kicking Itachi in the shin. "TAKE THAT PRETTY BOY!"

All four men took off the piece of paper to see a phrase written on each one. Deidara's said- STARFISH LOVE YOU, Kakuzu's- PIEZILLA, Hidan's- WACHA! Kisame's- STARFISH REALLY LOVES YOU! And Itachi's- Did you know every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born? I think your one of those babies.

Itachi growled while Kisame laughed hysterically at his note. Suddenly it blew up.

"Damn it Kisame! It was supposed to stay attached to Itachi!" Came a whining call from Sarah.

"Yo, why did everyone exclude us?" Yelled an annoyed voice. All turned once again to see Sasori and Konan running over, out of breath. Sarah quickly tackled them both, sticking her deathly pieces of paper on them. Konan took hers off, not bothering to read it, and made it into a paper flower, placing it in Deidara's hair.

"You look very pretty Deidara. I say keep that look." She said, making him blush as bright as his pink colored dress. Sasori just started to burst out laughing.

Kiki grinned, knuckle punching both Sarah and Konan. She then waltzed over to Hidan, and grinned evilly. She beckoned him to lean down so she could whisper in his ear. Everyone was silent for they wanted to hear what she was going to say.

"Hidan guess whaaaaat." Kiki whispered rather loudly. Hidan rolled his eyes bent down so she could reach his ear, and waited for the so called 'secret'.

"WHISPER!" Kiki shouted at the top of her lungs, sending the Jashionist stumbling back holding his ear. She grinned again. "Oh Kisame!! I have a secret to tell you!!"

Kisame backed up slowly.

"Whaaa, Chinese food hereeee!" Shouted a Chinese man said, walking in on the team. Kiki and Sarah's eyes alit as they ran over.

"Yeah, that would be our food." Kiki said staring at to food. Sarah nodded eagerly.

"Whaaa, where the money, whaaa?" The man said eyeing them cautiously. Kiki shook her head and whispered something in her ear. Sarah just shrugged, as if lost.

"Uh… sir, we don't have money, but we have something better!" Kiki said smiling a big smile.

"NOW." At the sudden burst of noise emitting from the brunet, Sarah kicked the Chinese man in the shin as Kiki grabbed for the food. As she snatched away the mouth watering treat, the Chinese delivery man fell to the ground. The two girls hurried away laughing.

"Whaaa, why you little-!" The man started to say.

"I DARE you to finish that thought." Said to male voices. The Chinese man looked over to see Hidan and Deidara towering over him in a threatful way.

"Uh…wha?" Was all the man could say.

Deidara nodded, and Hidan dragged him off for uh… Jashinist reasons.

I won't write it, for your sanity. But you probably already lost it.

As Kiki munched on her fortune cookie, she heard screams in the distance.

"_Hidan."_She thought. As she looked around at the members were standing around them, Kiki was pleased to find that everyone was socializing without killing each other. That's a new for them. And her.

Kiki looked down at her fortune, and then tossed it behind her, letting it drift in the wind. Sarah glanced up and smiled at Kiki, letting her own future fly.

"Why'd you do that, hm? Don't you want to read them?" Deidara asked sitting near Sarah. Kiki shook her head no. "Why not, hm?"

"We don't want to read our future. We know that we'll be awesome anyways. Plus, they mean nothing. The phrases never come true." Sarah said while attacking ribs.

"Ew, c'mon Sarah, must you eat ribs THAT messily?!" Kiki complained looking at her now saucy shirt. Sarah nodded her rapidly showing her love for ribs.

Rolling her eyes, Kiki got up to let the, uh, 'love birds' have a little conversation. It was all she could do. Running up to Sasori, she jumped on his back, shouting random noises cutting into his conversation with Kisame.

"Yo peoples! I'm boredness, so I came over to youz! FEEL HAPPY I GRACED YOU WITH THIS DESCISION!" She shouted playfully. Both men laughed, and allowed her to enter their conversation of different types of poisonous fish. Kiki snickered. She always wondered what these two could talk about.

Slowly backing away so no one noticed, she skipped to Konan's conversation with Pein. Standing unnoticed behind her, she quickly realized that they were about to make out, she ran over to Kakuzu who was standing, counting his money. Like always.

"Hey Kakuzu! How many do you have?" She shouted waving to him. As she got closer, he let a small smile grace his lips. Someone had finally found an interst in money. Like him. As Kiki talked with the money man a couple of minutes, Hidan cme waltzing in to join them. Maybe 'wow' Kiki with his charm.

He ended up tripping and getting a face full of dirt.

Kiki laughed, and helped him up. As they suddenly got immersed in conversation, Kakuzu chuckled and went back to counting his money.

"Kiki. Yo, love girl. Let's go, just got a call from mom. Says we should wait outside the theater to leave." Sarah called breaking into the two Jashinist's conversation. Slightly ticked off by the sudden out burst, Hidan grumbled when Sarah said they had to leave.

"We must leave also…" Pein said trailing off. Kiki glanced at all of the members, and slowly smiled. Sarah smiled also.

They started to go around, shaking hands goodbye, kicking a gay man in the shin, hugging those willing. Soon each girl came to an end of their goodbyeing, and waved to everyone behind them. Slowly they opened a door, and disappeared within seconds.

"They have to come back." Deidara whispered as his eyes glazed over. The rest of the members nodded.

"We are SO catching the next movie." Kiki declared as they hopped into Sarah's mom's car.

"A. Greed."

* * *

Ah, doesnt EVERYONE enjoy sappy endings?! (And can you find the couples in here? (NO YOAI) Guess them right, and I'll throw in a cookie!) Ok, just a quick update, I AM going to be uploading a new chapter of 'Sakura and the Akatsuki' on **_THURSDAY MORNING _**along with a christmas fic. PLUUUS, I am taking requests of YOUR own character (or other characters) being in a story.

Remember, the reviews make my writing fingers so happy, they want to DANCE across the page and write new stories and chapters!!


	2. Lemons, kisses, and fears

Psst, I made Zetsu only ONE person. I think it was so much easier then two..!

ENJOY!

* * *

Zetsu walked slowly through the forest, enjoying the peace and quite that the Akatsuki base didn't seem to have. He didn't know what was up with everyone, but they were all loud, grumpy, and fighting a lot more. He asked Konan (the only SANE one) what was going on, and she said that they missed some good friends that had to go.

First off, Zetsu wasn't sure if he was surprised or about to hurl.

'Friends' and 'Akatsuki' do. Not. Mix.

Ever.

That lead him out in the wild forest, where everything was calm and swaying peacefully. Noting different plants here and there, he let his mind wander.

"_Ho-hum, oh I really want to eat… I wonder if I could get a snack down in the village…"_

Zetsu stopped his thinking and turned. He swore he felt something poke him. Turning and walking again, he kept more alert. Stopping only now and then when he heard something rustle. To keep his mind off of the things that MIGHT pop out, Zetsu started to f his steps.

"_Right," _

_Left."_

_"Right,"_

_Left." _

_*Poke*_

Turn.

No one there.

"_Right," _

_Left."_

"_Right,"_

_Left." _

*Poke*

Turn.

…A lemon lay behind Zetsu's feet.

"What the crap, Kiki! Why'd you leave a LEMON there?" whispered an annoyed female voice.

"I wanted to see if he would eat his own kind…" whispered another female voice. Hearing the voices, Zetsu walked slowly over to the bush he heard them coming from. Before he got all the way to the bush, a 14 year girl came flying out. She landed on her stomach, face in the dirt, right in front of Zetsu's feet.

By now, Zetsu is probably having one of those 'wtf moments'. The brunet girl jumped up and launched herself into the bush again.

"WHY DID YOU PUSH ME?!" Screamed the brunet girl.

"YOU DESERVED IT!" Shouted the other voice earlier.

"YOU SUCK SARAH." Shouted the brunet's voice.

"SUCK WHAT?! HUH KIKI?!" Shout who to be Sarah. Both girls soon appeared in front of Zetsu laughing like nothing happened, a sack of lemons in each of their hands. Zetsu just stared at them. They stopped laughing and stared back at him.

"Are you black with a white half? Or white with a black half?" Asked the blonde, Sarah. Zetsu was taken aback. No one in their lives asked about how he looked and lived! But here was some 14 year old girl with lemons in her hand, asking him a question that made him feel like a zebra.

"Heh… heh, heh, heh, well yeah, Sarah here just got a little lemon juice up her nose, so she's kind of off her rocker now. If you'll excuse us, we'll be going..." The brunet, Kiki, said pushing her friend away, giggling like a maniac.

Looking behind him, Zetsu was having another 'wtf' moment. Shaking his head, he continued to walk forward. Something then whacked the back of his head. He turned, half expecting to see the duo again. Instead he saw a half peeled lemon go straight into his eyes.

"HOLY CRAP THAT BURNS!" He screamed, clutching his eyes and crying like a baby.

"Oh, man UP, you big baby!" Laughed a voice. Zetsu glared into hazel and blue eyes.

"I hate you." He hissed, rubbing more lemon juice out of his eye.

"I'm glad you hate me." They bothed chimed in time with each other, laughing hyestericly.

"Oh you little-"

"We DARE you to finish that thought." Said two males. The two owners of the voices stood over the 14 year girls protectively. Both stuck out their tounge as they threw their arms around the fellow men.

"HIDAN! How's Jashin-sama?!" Kiki shouted with glee.

"DEIDARA! Yess, I needed more bombs!" Sarah shouted, do a small happy dance.

"Tratiors…" Zetsu muttered darkly. Both Akatsuki men smirked.

"Your just jealous that you don't have to beautiful girls like these girls, hm." Deidara said smoothly. Sarah just giggled girlishly. Kiki rolled her eyes.

"After this we'll need to go to Hot topic to get the REAL Sarah back." Kiki whispered in Hidan's ear. He chuckled lightly, knowing fully what Sarah was really like. As conversation started, they rejoiced as they figured out the two girls would be staying in the village close by their base.

"Leader- sama will be please, hm." Deidara said, hugging his farewell to Sarah (with a peck to the cheek included) and Kiki, and Hidan followed along. Zetsu just sat their, staring at the love fest, almost barfing. Then Kiki and Sarah came over to him, nd ech one placed a kiss on his cheeks. Kiki on his black side, Sarah on the white.

"Cya later Zetsu!" They called in sync as they run down the road, ready to steal some limes. Zetsu smiled slightly when he saw the package of lemons in his lap.

"I got a question, hm. Why did you hate them so much, hm? Its just lemons dude. We've survived near death." Deidara questioned. Zetsu slightly blushed.

"I… I was afraid of lemons. But now, I have a new fear…" He said. Hidan and Deidara looked at him with curiosity.

"It's two people by the names of Kiki, and Sarah."

* * *

Well, as you can see, I have posted a new chapter of this so called one shot crack fic! ONLY BECAUSE SOMEONE WAS YELLING ON THE PHONE FOR ME TO GET IT DONE.

There's also a song title in here! Its in ALL CAPS, so get on youtube, and start to type in CAPED words in my story! Also, I used a line from my FIRST chapter in here. Re-read the first one to see if you can find it!

**Hints for the song find:**

Its the title of the song, sont a phrase or word in the song.

The Authors notes DO NOT COUNT.

Its near the end of the story

WHO EVER WINS GETS A COOKIE AND GETS TO BE IN ONE OF MY STORIES! (Sarah you can try to guess, but you're already in a story.)


	3. Noodles, contacts, and fights

"Sarah. Slow down! You're going to choke on the noodle for Jashin's sake!" Kiki shouted, which jinxed Sarah into, of course, choking on a noodle. Pounding on her back, Sarah hurled the noodle in to a by standers face. Slowly, she picked the noodle from the mans face, and slurped it up again.

"Ew…" Kiki whispered as she saw her friend's happy expression.

"Yo, Teme! Did that girl just slurp a noodle off of your face?!"

"Dobe, shut. Up."

"You guys are so LOUD."

"Get it together you three. We're at a public place."

Kiki and Sarah's head slowly turned to see the one and only team seven sitting next to them.

" HOLY CRAP, ITS SASUKE!" Sarah shouted. Sasuke heaved a sigh.

"_Damn fan girls…"_ He thought. Kiki smacked Sarah upside the head.

"Sarah, shut it! Dei- chan will kill him ya' know!" She shouted.

"Would you kill him if he killed me?" Sarah asked hopefully. "We can be in hell together!" Kiki just rolled her eyes.

"Kiki…? Sarah…?" Both girls turned as they heard their names being called. There standing was a man with stunning blue eyes and orange hair spiking up. He was wearing a plain black coat with regular jeans. Kiki raised an eyebrow.

"Since when do ninja's have jeans?!" She shouted pointing at him accusingly. All eyes were on the man as he stared at Kiki. Sarah slapped Kiki upside the head with an annoyed expression on her face.

"And you tell me to shut up? Your practically as loud as me!" She stated shaking her head. Kiki rolled her eyes as two men appeared behind the orange spiked one. One man had ruffled silver hair with green eyes (both were twitching) and the other had a blonde hair in a full pony tail. Both of these men had the same attire as the first one. Several more men showed up behind them.

Now Sarah, Kiki, and Sarah were getting worried. If Sasuke, Kakshi, and Naruto were, they clearly didn't show it. Sarah was the first one to talk.

"Can we help you men?" She asked with the bravery of a bull. The orange haired man shook his head as he raised his hand to his coat buttons, and opened the coat to only show Kiki and Sara red clouds littering the silky surface.

"Oh… it's the-" Kiki started but was soon cut off by Sarah who clamped her hand over her mouth. Sighing, both girls got up from their seats (Sarah stealing the rest of her ramen) and started to walk over to the two men. Something grabbed the back of their shirts before they could get to them all the way. The girls turned to see Kakshi standing there innocently.

"I'm sorry girls, but I can't let you go with those men. I don't want anything to happen to you." He said, actually sounding sorry.

"But we know them!" Sarah stated trying to squirm away from his grip.

"Yeah! Now let us go!" Kiki said, also struggling. "Geeze, you're going to rip my shirt!"

"Sensei? I think you should let them go…" Sakura whispered. The rest of team seven looked at her, as she looked down. "If they know these men… I don't think that you should be worried."

One of the men standing in the back came up to the orange haired man. He had black silk hair tied in a pony similar of the blondes.

"_Itachi."_ Both Kiki and Sarah said in their minds. After whispering him for some time, Itachi pulled away from Pein and walked back to his place.

"Your going to have to let these two women go before we do something to you, un." Said the blonde as the silver haired man agreed.

"_Deidara and Hidan."_ The two girls thought again. Kakshi wearily let go of the girls shirts and was startled as they ran towards the two men. Hidan pulled Kiki in an embrace with Deidara doing the same with Sarah. Itachi slowly walked forward again, and looked in the eye of Kakshi.

Standing still, Kakshi zoned out. That's when Sasuke sprang into action.

"Itachi! I SWARE I'LL KILL YOU!" He shouted, pointing a finger at him trembling in rage. Sarah just walked over to him and kicked him in the shin.

"ADVENGER BOY, SHUT UP. We got the point SO MANY EPISODES AGO!" She shouted. Kiki had to pull her back before she got to do anything else. Itachi and Kakashi snapped back to reality and the silver haired man jumped in front of his students and pulled up his head band to reveille a Sharingan eye.

All three students got into fighting position, as Sasuke slightly held his shin.

"Kisame, Zetsu, Itachi, Konan, Deidara, and Sasori. Take the girls back to base. We'll deal with these four…" Pein ordered, glancing down at the 14 year olds. Hidan scowled, but stayed in place. Rolling her eyes, Kiki walked over to Hidan and kicked him in the shin. With that he bent over with small pain sparks going up his leg. Kiki then took out the green contacts that made his eyes twitch earlier.

"We can go now." She said blandly as she turned back to Sarah. Kakashi took this moment to strike at Pein, but he was ready. With Kunai already in hand, the two metals clashed with one another. Immediately, Pein's icy blue eyes turned silver as he activated the Rinnegan. Whilst those two were sparring, they names called out before hand scooped up the two girls and disappeared.

* * *

Meh, this story kinda became JUST for Sarah's enjoyment (and some of mine). For those who are sleeping while reading this, I am truely sorry. I updated a NEW story, and I can't wait to update Sakura and the Akatsuki!!

PS- Sarah, I was going to write more, but I decided to make you PO, so I stopped there. Muahahaha, and Im NOT updateing until AFTER the Sakura and the Akatsuki chapter goes up! Humpf!


	4. BRITHDAY PARTAY!

"Blah, this is boring Kiki."

"…Sarah, suck it up."

"SUCK WHAT UP?!"

"You know the answer."

Sarah scoffed. "I don't, please enlighten me."

Kiki rolled her eyes as she flipped another pancake. She was over at Sarah's house, getting ready to celebrate her friend's birthday. And Kiki had a _great _gift, for both herself and Sarah.

Sighing as yet another pancake fell on the floor, Sarah groaned. "When's the party gonna staaaaaaaart?" She asked.

Kiki giggled and walked over to the bathroom. "GET OUT OF THERE YOU GUYS." She shouted. Sarah stared at her friend like she was a complete moron. But soon the toilet flushed, and out came a soaking wet…

Deidara.

"DEI-DEI-KUN!" Sarah screamed as she tackled her wet 'boyfriend'. Yes the two were dating, and it almost made Kiki barf. But, she couldn't judge the couple.

A wet arm draped around her shoulders and the brunette sighed. "Hidan, you can't act cool when you're soaked in toilet water." She stated to her own boyfriend, giggling. He growled but pecked her check all the same.

"It's not my fucking fault for Asshole-sama's small brain didn't think of another way to get here." He muttered as Sarah tossed a towel at him. Deidara was drying himself (as best he could) with his own towel.

Soon, the rest of the Akatsuki came popping up from the toilet, excluding Zetsu and Konan for unknown reasons.

BUM, BUM, BUUUUM…

As Pein FINALLY dried himself off, Kiki popped in a game on the Wii, and handed Kakuzu a bag of cloths.

"Tell the dudes to get dressed in these. They won't be comfortable in their ninja clothes-""EVEN THOUGH THE NINJA STUFF IS AWESOME!"

Kiki sighed. "Yes, even though the ninja stuff is awesome." She agreed with the birthday girl who added on to her own sentence.

Kakuzu shrugged and Pein motioned to the Wii system. "What game did you put in there?" He asked.

Kiki giggled and went to go help the other men with sorting out the outfits. From their area, they probably would but the checkered shirt with the striped jacket.

Sarah shook her head. The only reason why the boys knew about the technology of her time was because Kiki and she had explained it over one of their many visits. Pein looked at her with a confused glance, but she just pushed him into the room where he needed to get dressed.

~-

Huffing, Kiki plopped on the couch with her friend, examining the 'new and improved' Akatsuki in front of them.

All of the men were wearing either converse or socks, and had at least ONE Akatsuki cloud on their outfits.

"ALRIGHT MR… DEIDARA! PLEASE STEP ON TO THE STAGE!" Sarah shouted. Kiki rubbed her temples.

"This isn't a fashion show Sarah." She whispered as the blonde stepped out onto the stage. Sarah just ignored her comment and pointed to Deidara.

"That is the true image of h. o. t." She sang happily. Dei-Dei blushed. He was wearing his hair down and a blue shirt with black jeans. He also had a black jacket on with a pattern of blue clouds. Simple, yet his style.

"OKAY, MR. PEIN-SAMA!" The brunette called.

Said man walked out lazily, orange jacket blazing as his white shirt was littered with black Akatsuki clouds. His lose black jeans finished off the look and he went to go eat some chips.

Letting Sarah call the next person, Kiki almost got a nose bleed.

There was Hidan with skinny jeans, but no freaking shirt. He smirked at the girls and Deidara covered up Sarah's eyes.

It was too late for Kiki; she was already passed out on the couch. Kakuzu then growled and punched the man, throwing his white shirt with purple stripes with a small cloud at the corner at the Jashionist.

Kakuzu was wearing a neon green shirt with a pair of regular jeans. His belt had a silver cloud on the buckle, and he threatened to whack Hidan with it as hard as possible if he didn't stop his useless attempts at trying to seduce Kiki, which just made more blood sprout from her nose.

Sasori then walked out on his own, not bothering to listen to Sarah's protests and started fanning the passed out Kiki. His black shirt had fake blood splatters on it and his faded skinny jeans had the word AKATSUKI spelled out on the side on one of the pant legs.

Itachi walked out of the small closet and stared at the scene around him. Some how, a girl shoved him into the closet at the moment he stepped away from the toilet, and he was stuck in there up until now.

Sighing, he grabbed an 'emo' outfit consisting of a black shirt, black skinny jeans, and a punk necklace with an Akatsuki cloud on the chain, and walked into back into the closet. As he slipped on his shirt in the dark small space, he heard a small click and cursed aloud.

Sarah had locked him in again.

Laughing at his friends attempt to try and cooperate with the small blonde girl, Kisame finally shook Kiki awake. He had on a black shirt with neon blue lettering that said the obvious (AKATSUKI) with black faded jeans.

Kiki punched Hidan with Sarah soon after.

~-

"AND I NEED YOU, AND YOU NEED ME, POKEMON! GOTTA CATCH THEM ALL, GOTTA CATCH THEM ALL, POKEMON!" Sarah screamed into the microphone. No one else really decided to listen to her singing on karaoke for they were to busy in their own conversations. Only Kiki clapped for her friend, whipping an imaginary tear in her eye.

Standing up to the mic, everyone had their terrible pitches, and terrible dance moves that everyone joked and laughed with.

Not at.

With.

Soon the two girls (and some boys) started to play 'We Cheer team 2!' and the watchers were hooting at the girls on the screen. Sarah quickly shut them up with her…

NOT HER FIST! Her homemade cookies!

As everyone moved their way back in to the living room after a beautiful Sarah had ORDERED OUT, Itachi was finally able to feel safe after being let out a couple of hours ago.

Now 8 o clock, the lights were dim and the two couples dominated the couch, sprawling out on the 3 cushion chair. The rest of the members growled, but left them be, seeing as there was another three chairs to lounge in. Watching a movie until 11, the lights flicked off and the two girls slowly started to slip asleep.

But before they could, Hidan got a devious plan. He moved over to Sarah and started to whisper in her ear a plan 'above all plans'. Sarah immediately agreed and walked over to the refrigerator, popping out a sick pack of beer.

Let the fun begin.

~-

Kiki stared at the men crying because the carpet scratched them. Hidan draped his arm over her shoulders.

"You planned this." She stated dumbfounded, and her partner smirked.

"Yep. I'm perfectly somber, and so is Dei-dei. Obviously, you and Sarah are to. And guess what that means?" He purred in her ear. She rolled her eyes.

"Look, Deidara and Sarah are already making out." Kiki giggled as she pointed at the tops of the heads behind the couch. Hidan growled.

"What the hell?! How the fuck did they start before us?" He mumbled under his breathe.

"WHOA, WAIT, WHA-?!" Kiki shouted before being silenced.

"Welcome to the club Kiki!"

"OH SHUT UP SARAH!"

~-

As the couples said their goodbyes, Hidan kissed Kiki's flustered cheek and shifted the weight on his shoulders. Right now he was holding a knocked out Itachi, Kisame, and Kakuzu while Deidara held Sasori and Pein.

Deidara smiled at the two girls and thanked them for the party. Soon after the toilet bowl flushed, Kiki and Sarah started to slowly sink on to the couch and fell asleep, planning the next party.

* * *

HAPPY B DAY SARAH!


	5. People go boom!

Kiki stared at the Jashinist. He stared back. Kiki then groaned when he kissed her on the cheek, making her blink in surprise.

"HA, I FUCKING WIN!" Hidan, the Jashinist, shouted pumping his fist in the air. The brunette, his faithful girlfriend, punched him in the arm. But, not enough to hurt.

"Hey, you got a kiss, so that means I win, fair and square." Hidan just starred at her, and Kiki smirked. "Alls fair in love and war." She recited. Sarah and Deidara stared at the two. Sarah started to laughed as she glomped Kiki.

"Kiki-kun ALWAYS wins!" She said getting off of her friend. Sarah looked at Hidan and smirked. "When ya' gonna get that through your head Mr.?" She asked hands placed on her hips.

Kiki laughed happily and hugged her friend back. Sticking out her tongue at her boyfriend, she imitated Sarah's actions.

"SHA Hidan, when will you learn?" An evil smile came across said man's lips and he laughed evilly.

"Last time we were making out, I remember quite clearly that I was the one to-" Hidan never got to finish his statement, because a blender was thrown at his face. The Jashinist's gaze went to the murderous Kiki who was holding a toaster.

"Don't make me use this." She said, death rolling off of every word.

"KIKI!" Sarah screamed grabbing the toaster. "THAT BELONGS TO MY PARENTS!" She screamed putting the toaster away. Deidara laughed as the blender hit Hidan in the face. Sarah tackled Deidara and smiled. "No laughing please." She said before getting off of him.

"AND?! I NEED TO FREAKING BEAT HIDAN UP!" She cried trying to wrestle the toaster from Sarah. But when the blonde put it away, Kiki pouted.

"You're no fun..." she muttered, but walked over to Hidan. Holding out her hand, the albino-like man took it and brought Kiki down on him. Screaming, Hidan just chuckled.

"You broke my nose with that." he pointed out. She rolled her eyes.

"YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE IMMORTAL!" Sarah stared up at Kiki sitting on Deidara's stomach.

"Kiki shut up." She said as she stood up and went top the fridge and grabbed a piece of pie and started to eat it happily.

"Well Missy I-don't-like-to-share-my-pie, I feel like I HAVE THE FREEDOM OF SPEACH, AND I NEED TO HAVE PIE!" Kiki shouted heroically, putting a foot on Hidan's chest. She quickly ended her heroic moment when someone bashed through the door.

"HIDAN, HOW COULD YOU SNEAK AWAY FROM A MISSION, of all things, AND GO VISIT YOURE GIRLFRIEND!?" The brunette and albino sighed in sync while they turned to the one who was spazzing.

"Kakuzu, SHUT THE FUCK UP!" The Jashinist shouted angrily. Kiki starred at Kakuzu as his tan skin went from many shades of red, blue, purple, green, and back again. The brunette giggled and watched with fascination.

"Your face is like a lava lamp..." she trailed off in wonder. Hidan was also turning diffrent shades of colors, mostly red, 'cause his so called 'buddy' was making his girlfriend be fascinated by him!

"Fuck off Kakuzu, can't you see we're having a romantic moment with pie, forks, and BROKEN NOSES!" he screamed at his partner. Sarah then placed her plate on Deidara's chest and smiled at him. Getting up she skipped over to Kakuzu and started to to push him out of the door.

"Get the hell out of my house." She ordered slamming the door behind him. Hidan knuckle touched the blonde after he stuck out his tongue rather childishly at Kakuzu while Sarah glomped Kiki happily. "Teee-hee!" She said smiling.

Before Kiki could lunge for Sarah's cake, and probably crushing whatevers left of Deidara's bones, she was glomped. The brunette sighed but patted her best friend's hair all the same.

"Tee-hee to you to my little violent friend!" She replied.

Suddenly there was another knock on the door, and Hidan threw it open and groaned, "Aw fuck, Mr. I'm-the-head-fucking-pimp is here." Pein threw a stick at the cursing man and walked in.

"Oh Sarah~ Kiki~ These two need to get to work, so why not go with them?" He asked the two hugging teen-agers. Kiki was immediatly purring and latched onto Hidan, shouting, "SACRAFICE! SACRAFICE! SACRAFICE!"

Sarah pulled Deidara up and jumped onto his back. "YAY TAKE UR GIRLFRIEND TO WORK DAY!!!!!" She screamed making Deidara walk out of the door.

Pein smirked and winked at Sarah as they went by, making Deidara punch him in the nose. Hidan then successfully threw the spazzing Kiki over his shoulder and followed the two blondes out the door. The red head leader then shut the door behind all of them, and the continued walking until they came upon a mail box. As Pein started to put his hand in, the man suddenly disappeared. Kiki squealed and stuck her foot in (before Hidan could stick his hand in) and the faded into the ninja era.

"YEAH, LET'S GO KILL SOME FUCKING ASS!" Hidan shouted. This'll give some time for him to show off. Heh! Pein swirled to the four and held up a scroll. "All you have to do is kill some dude, and then go capture the two tailed demon. Seem easy? Good, now GO DO IT!" Pein shouted before poofing away.

Sarah stuck both her arms in the air happily. "YAY DEATH!" Sarah said still latched onto Deidara's back. Noming on Deidara's head Sarah laughed. "Nom, nom, nom..." She said.

Hidan grunted as Kakuzu appeared. Whispering something in the tan man's ear, Kiki leaned in to hear it but Hidan quickly moved her head away. Pouting and sulking, she only brightened up when she heard someone scream 'death'.

"OHMYGOD, SARAH, WE GET TO DEIDARA BLOW SOMEONE UP!" She squealed happily. Kakuzu then coughed to gather everyone attention.

"Okay... um... well, Kiki, Sarah, you guys have to stay on Deidara's clay bird and watch us get the two tails. But you guys can throw some of his bombs at the dude we're supposed to kill." He instructed. Hidan then smirked at Kiki and ruffled her hair.

"You can stab a couple of people to..." He whispered to her, earning another happy squeal from Kiki.

Jumping off of Deidara's back smiling, Sarah ran around in circles. "DEATH, DEATH, DEATH!!!" She screamed. Skipping over to Kakuzu she smiled and asked ever too politely.

"May I bring some bacon?"Sarah smiled awaiting the answer from him.

Kakuzu starred at Deidara, and the blonde shrugged. "She's obsessed with bacon..." Kiki pointed out, feeling stupid for saying something so obvious. Hidan looped an arm around her shoulders and sighed heavily.

To bad his girlfriend had to stay with Deidara. But, the albino was sure that Deidara wouldn't do anything, seeing as he had Sarah.

Kakuzu mean while was scratching the back of his head, but finally answered with a confused 'yes'. Deidara then started to create his famous owl and once it grew, Kiki kissed Hidan on the cheek and screamed, "I CALL FLYING IN THE BIRDS BEAK!"

Sarah jumped onto the birds head holding a bucket of bacon. Pulling Deidara on by the arm she smiled and nommed on a piece of bacon. She handed a piece to Kiki and laughed. "That's all you get."

"That's no fair..." she pouted as she munched on the piece of fried (hopefully dead) pig. She then sulked as Deidara made her sit on the birds back, seeing as the beak is where the dead corpses go.

"Why do you save dead people?" She asked with a mouth full of bacon. Hidan scoffed and started to un-latch his three bladed scythe.

"Its for Zetsu," he answered before the blonde really got a chance. The brunettes eyes sparkled as she started coming up with schemes to scare the shit out of the cannibal man.

Once they had risen into the sky, Kiki saw the two small specks (who were Hidan and Kakuzu) start running in the opposite direction as they were flying. "They're going to get that cat, un." Deidara answered her mental question. "We're just going to blow up people, un."

Sarah heard 'blow up' and a smiled appeared across her bacon covered face. **YAY! **She said before turning back to her bacon

They soared through the sky, and Deidara showed off to Sarah a bit by doing some neat tricks. Kiki was just chillin' laying on the end of the birds back, watching as the clouds appeared and disappeared before her eyes. Every now and then, they would travel through one of the wet clouds, and it tickled her nose.

Finally Deidara's eye scope spotted the person they were supposed to blow up. He handed four large bombs to each girl and instructed, "When I saw throw, try to throw acueratly, alright? And only throw one at a time! Remember that Sarah." Kiki nodded and sat with her four bird shaped bombs, ready. The quote for here would be 'bombs away'.

Sarah laughed and smiled at Deidara. "You're no fun!"She said giving him a kiss on the cheek. Holding a bomb in her hand Sarah waited for Deidara to say 'throw'.

As the owl swooped down quietly, Kiki grinned happily. The ninja they had to kill was simple enough. Then something struck her.

"Hey, is that an ANBU?" Deidara only nodded and she sighed.

_Sorry Naruto!_ she silently thought out as Deidara mouthed the word 'throw'. Like a pitcher on a baseball field, Kiki threw the bomb with all her might. It stuck onto the guys back and she watched him quickly panic. She then watched Deidara mouth 'throw' again and hold up two fingers. That meant two more bombs could be thrown. Oh joy!

Sarah threw her bombs when Deidara said too, not missing once. All those years of softball finally payed off. She smiled and laughed to herself.

When all of their bombs had successfully latched onto the man, Deidara made the appropriate hand signs and the man busted into a thousand pieces. Blood plopped onto Kiki's cheek and she licked it away happily. The blonde artist stared at her with horror, and she grinned.

"There IS another reason why Hidan picked me, ya' know." He had to agree with that. As they flew, Kiki was sitting on the edge of the bird, wanting to tell her love about the thing she just did. She never knew blowing up people was so much fun!

Soon they saw a figure disappear into the ground and Kiki let out an excited squeak. "ZETSU WAS THERE!" As the bird landed, the brunette ran towards the bloody Hidan, immediately bursting into story about blowing up people.

Sarah laughed and finished her bucket o' bacon. SHe gave the last piece to Deidara and skipped off.

"And then I li- Hidan, why the hell is there a hole in your stomach?" Kiki suddenly asked, staring at the hole. She saw Kakuzu on the other side and waved to him. He slowly waved back and Hidan growled.

"Dont fucking wave to other people you can see through the hole! Makes me feel like a fucking shitty bus window." The albino grunted. Kiki rolled her eyes and poked him in the chest.

"You better get that fixed buddy!" As Kiki was about to launch out into a whole entire thing about how it was not good for your health to have holes in your body, Itachi appeared and she giggled.

"Get ready for an ass whipped Itachi-niiii!" She cried as she loopily fell into Hidan's arms. Hidan just looked down at her like, 'what the fuck just happened. DID FUCKING DEIDARA DRUG HER DRINK?!'

Sarah laughed and raised her hand. **I gave her bacon. **She said before pokeing Kiki's face over and over again.

"ITS NOT THE BACONNNN!" She screamed as she glomped Hidan. "I just felt like being loopy is all." She stated happily as she purred slightly. Pein then appeared and held up a mail box that had suspiciously dirt and grass surrounding it. Kiki starred at it and suppressed laughter.

"Isnt that the neighbors mailbox?!" She then broke out in laughter, and kissed Hidan on the lips. "Well, I guess its our time to go." She waved bye to Deidara and Kakuzu, knuckle touched Pein, and kissed Hidan once more. "Cya everyone!"

Sarah lauughed and ran up to Kiki. "They took Loud Larry's mailbox! YAY!" Sarah laughed and turned around to wave. "Bye peoples!"

And with that, the girls smiled and disappeared into their own era.


	6. Candy Men and Chocolate Weapons

It was a normal day for the two girls who were just hanging around one of their neighborhood. Neither will tell you what neighborhood it is or where it is because, well, thats just creepy. Even you can understand that.

But ANYWAYS, as I was saying, our two heroines Kiki and Sarah were walking around the neighborhood, playing in the snow that now covered the ground in great heaps and throwing it at each other with harmful intent. Just an ordinary day.

Clomping through another huge snow pile, Sarah whined and Kiki rolled her eyes. "What this time?"

"Canvas sneakers plus snow that melts equals BAD!" The blond said, stomping her feet in a feeble attempt to try and get any extra snow off of her feet. Glancing down at her own canvas sneakers, the brunette shook her head as she finally felt the wetness.

"We're so stupid," she muttered with a scowl on her face.

"BUT THAT'S WHAT MAKES US FUUUUUUNNNNERRRR THAN EVERYONE ELSE!" Screamed Sarah with a, "look-I'm-high!" face.

Shaking her head with a little giggle, the duo continued to travel to the neighborhood's large area with a thick layer of ice on it. Or better overestimated as an ice rink... They awkwardly made their way over the snow mounds while singing- err, SCREAMING at the top of their lungs a meatball song that had been remembered from a Spongebob episode and neither understood why they had started singing it. Finally coming to the ice rink, Kiki spotted two hunched figures. She slowed her pace and grabbed Sarah's arm, always the parinoid one when it came to being outside.

"Sar, they look kinda sketchy..." She muttered in her boisterous friends ear. Sarah rolled her eyes and dragged her friend towards the rink. When they finally arrived, the two figures seemed to note them and hurry over. Kiki was already in defense mode, gripping Sarah's arm in a painful grip, eyebrows raised. Sarah starred at the two figures, squinted eyes, to make out the faces of the mysterious figures.

"DAAAARRR! KIKI, DAAAAR! DEEEEEIDAAAAAAAAARRRRR~"

"Sarah, speak human."

"Make me."

"I WILL take you up on that offer."

"Okay, okay. Okay... okay. OKAY!"

Kiki rubbed the bridge of her nose.

"OKAY! I AM OKAY! Its De- I SWEAR I AM OKAY!"

"JUST SPIT IT OUT!"

"It's Deidara and Hidan."

No sooner had she said the H word (no people, not hell. She would've written that out), Kiki spun around and glomped the on coming figures.

"OH EM, GEEEEEEE!" She squealed in a pitch so high that she didn't realize it was her own.

"OMG, GEE! YOU CANT SEE ME, ME! I'M BLENDING IN JUST LIKE A PINE TRE-"

"Shut up Sarah, and hug me!" Deidara ordered.

"YOU SOUND LIKE A PEDOPHILE YOU PEDOPHILE!"

Kiki slapped the back of her friends head, but not even the blonds antics could wipe that smile off of her lips.

"Whatta you two doing here?" She asked while Sarah tried to regain her balance.

"Well, we were effin around here and decided to meet you two. Pretty effin smart of us, eh?"

Kiki and Hidan huggled while Deidara kept trying to get Sarah to hug him.

"Please?"

"NUUUU!"

"PLEASE, GARNET!"

"Fine!" Sarah shouted back. She twirled to him and put a butterfly kiss to his nose. "Happah?"

"NO, I WANTED A DAMN HUG!"

"Fine, I'll give you that too. Just wastin' away all of my freakin' hugs, huh? Soon I'll be out of all hugness, PROBABLY DIE, and Kiki will need someone else to give her surprise hugs!"

"Which is basically like surprise sex. Or better known as rape." Kiki muttered in.

"ITS NOT RAPE IF YOU ENJOY IT, KIKI!"

It was a very long and awkward silence where both girls had said that a gay baby was born.

Hidan muttered, "Fantastic, another Justin Beiber."

Giggles sounded through out the small group (Deidara's giggle is much manlier, I assure you) and once more, a silence settled.

"How about that ice, eh?" Deidara asked and Sarah whined again.

"I don't wanna get wet anymore, carry meeee~ I hate ice! Eating it is okay though, because I feel like the upper link in the food chain... But that doesn't mean its not deadly! Once, I almost CHOCKED ON IT! I was so paranoid the following WEEK! God, I was so scared! Kiki, remember? Remember? Remember? Huh, Kiki? REMEMBER? REMEMB-"

"Yes."

"-ER! ...Oh. Okay. Just checkin."

As Kiki proceeded to drag Hidan over towards the rink and they slowly slipped their way over the surface. With Hidan falling on his butt a few times, they finally skated together with slow process around and around. Meanwhile, Deidara was trying to lift Sarah up with his manly muscles but kept failing miserably because he had no manly muscles. Sarah, while being heafted up and down, started screaming at him that she only weighed 120, and that, really, she wasnt that heavy.

Finally getting onto the ice, Hidan slowly scooted his way over and stumbled. Sarah fake screamed which only made him wince THEN THEY ALL DIED

THEEEEEE ENNNNNNDDD

_Kiki pushed Sarah away from the key board, reading over what she had written. Turning to her best friend, Kiki said, "When the hell did this happen? Im pretty sure we didnt die today." _

_"Yeah it did! Remember? I burneded all you guys..."_

_"You know what, can we just get back to the story?"_

_"..FLYING KICK-A-POW!"_

_"I'll take that as a yes."_

_Sarah does one of her many "look-I'm-high!" faces._

Finally getting onto the ice, Hidan slowly scooted his way over and stumbled. Sarah fake screamed which only made him wince and stumble again. The other couple rushed over and made sure their friends didnt fall flat on their faces an probably DIE.

Sarah pouted as Hidan set her down on the shore of the icerink and shouted, "YOU ALMOST DROPPED ME BECAUSE THERE WASNT ENOUGH LOOOOVE!"

Thus making a make out session follow and the other pair quickly walked away.

_"... I know you asked me first, but seriously?" Sarah asked, cheeks red while starring at the screen._

_"Shaddup, I'm making you have a make out session with one of the hottest dudes in Akatsuki. Dont complain."_

_"BUT IT DIDNT HAPPEN TODAY!"_

_"And we didnt die either, now did we."_

_"...We're dead, you just dont know it yet."_

_"Wait, seriously?"_

000000

As the group made their way through yhe winding streets of the neighborhood, they aimlessly talked about random things.

"You know, I never played candy land," Kiki said while snuggling closer to Hidans arm. All three stopped and starred down at the girl and she looked back up at them with wide brown eyes.

"Never?" They all whispered in unison. The girl nodded.

"Well we know what we're doing today!" Sarah shouted, thrusting her finger in the air like a super hero announcing that he had just won the awesomely epic fight and was now throwing the most dangerous, looney criminal in a simple jail cell and that he swore that he WOULD NEVER GET OUT AGAIN, but we all knew that was a lie because there were like, 10 freaking Batman movies.

Wait.

We were never talking about that, sorry.

Soon the whole group was huddled around the game board, happily taking their own peices. Sarah was the blue, bi candyman, Kiki was the red homosicdal candy man, Hidan was the green hypthermia andyman while Deidara was the yellow hairy candyman that was hairy because of old age. What. A. Surprise.

They walked the girl through the whole process and she, to her amazement, won. But, of course, Sarah stated that they should start again because she cheated and told Kiki the wrong directions. The brunette glowered slightly but shrugged it off. Sarah was Sarah, and she loved her even if she had axe body spray- HOLY CRAP SHE HAD AXE BODY SPRAY!

"SPRAY ATTACK~ RAAAAAWWWWRRRRRRZZZZZ... Hehe, you smell like chocolate now!" The blue eyed girl stated happily, patting AOIYGHRIDU HG UTYSGHUS RJHDGITUSRYBGJH LGTUR HBGL STFH BGULSR GSHU!

_"SARAH, GET THE HELL OFF OF THE COMPUTER!"_

_"WHAT, you were busy licking a freaking game card! AND I FOUND IT IN MY PANTS!"_

_"PANTS POCKET!"_

_"Oh details, details. Plus, I'm hazel eyed."_

_"Right. Knew that."_

The HAZEL eyed girl stated happily, patting her boyfriends blonde hair that now smelled like Axe chocolate.

Covering her mouth with her American Eagle jacket sleeve, Kiki made her way through the eyewatering mist that lazily traveled around the air.

"Can't... breathe!" Hidan groggled out, his hands to his throat as if trying to block the air coming in.

"OMGZ, I CAN TASTE TEH CHOCOLATEY GOODNESS!" Sarah shouted with her mouth open, waving the contaminated air into her mouth. Opening her own trap, Kiki felt the immediate disgusting tingle of the spray on her tounge.

"OH GOD, YOU CAN TASTE IT!" She screamed, desperatly trying to scrap her tounge of the unseen particles.

Deidara tried cutting his hair with sewing scissors but Sarah grabbed them before any eyeballs could be poked out.

"DEI-DEI, your hair's awesome long tho D:!" She stated, pocketing the scissors for later use.

"It... smells.. like... chcolate!" He chocked out. The blond rolled her eyes and whistled. After a moment of silence, a huge brown, white and black hunting dog came bounding down the stairs.

"NOOO! HATCH IS GONNA DIE IF HE BREATHS IN!" Kiki shouted, lunging for the dog.

"Noo, he wont. He's like superman. Gay and invincible." Sarah replied, poking Hatch, the dog's, nose. Said dog licked her fingers and she giggled slightly. Poking Deidara's head as if a signal to the dog, Hatch lunged at Deidara. The bright blonde screamed in protest but, obviously, dogs don't understand human screams.

"IT'S EATING MY HAIR!" He screamed at the top of his lungs, trying to force the huge dog off of him. Kiki starred wide eyed, not sure what to do about this… But Hidan didn't make her think about it! He came and saved the day by whistling to the dog and holding up Kiki's sweatshirt (that was forcefully ripped off).

The dog took one sniff of the jacket and ripped it out of Hidan's hands while bolting up the stairs towards his kennel. Kiki just stood there, dumbfounded and tried to breath right.

"What the HELL would that monster want with MY sweater?" She screamed, now starting to get cold without the heavy protection. She knew she shouldn't have worn her short sleeves…

"I think he smelled your dog…" Sarah muttered, pulling Deidara's messy hair back into it's regular pony tail.

"M-my dog? My dog doesn't even shed!" The brunette shot back. She did in fact own a cock-a-poo for five years and petted it before she had left her house.

"Still smells." Her friend replied. With a groan, Kiki led the other three upstairs and they proceeded to wrestle the dog for the jacket. Mae, Sarah's other dog, stood and watched the pathetic humans trying their hardest to strangle hold a _hunting _dog.

Like I said.

Just another ordinary day.


End file.
